


No Such Thing As Sparkly Vampires

by Hopesjourney



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:33:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27170453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hopesjourney/pseuds/Hopesjourney
Summary: Halloween fun.  Pure fluff.  No disrespect to Twilight fans.  Takes place in the Her Shadow Man universe.  Bellamy and Tim go after Cullens.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Kudos: 2





	No Such Thing As Sparkly Vampires

No Such Thing as Sparkly Vampires

It was late October and Bellamy sat on the porch of the Seattle house, staring up at the full moon. His mom would have called it a harvest moon, but he thought of it as a blood moon, tinged red and huge, it hung like an omen in the inky black sky.

A few gray white clouds sketched across the night sky as if to tease the moon with their translucent presence. The air was still with a hint of salt in the air from the sound, crisp and moist, perfect for a vampire.

Clarke was resting deeply in their freezer upstairs; fledglings need lots of rest and lots of other things too and Clarke was a demanding fledgling. Bellamy was a lucky man and he knew it.

Suddenly he caught a movement out in the densest part of the trees, due west. He stood up and saw something glow red and the sound of something large scurrying off, away from the house. 

_What kind of animal has red eyes? Wolves maybe?_

Bellamy decided to go and check it out; the indigenous wildlife normally didn’t present a problem for them but since whatever this was appeared to be watching the house he wasn’t prepared to just let it go.

He stood up and jumped off the porch and was startled to see Tim come around the corner of the house, in what could only be described as war paint. 

“Tim, what the hell?” Bellamy said as he took in Tim in a leather breechclout and moccasins. Red and black paint streaked his face making him look quite savage. In his hand he carried a silver tipped war lance that was very lethal looking.

“Damn Cullen’s! Never know when to stay the hell away. Come on, we gotta catch ‘em.” He tossed another war lance to Bellamy and took off at a fast trot, leaving Bellamy to catch up with him.

As they ran through the forest Bellamy asked, “What is a cullen? Are they a type of wolf?”

Tim stopped for a moment and stared at Bellamy as if he were crazy. “You don’t know what a Cullen is? They sparkle, I’ll tell you that much. Wolves? They hang around with ‘em sometimes it’s said.” Tim lifted his head and scented the air and remarked, “He’s close. Been hunting around here. You hear me Cullen! I’m gonna get you this time!” He raised a hatchet in the air and Bellamy wondered where that came from.

In the distance they heard a laugh that seemed to float through the air. It was an eerie laugh, more like a small girls Bellamy thought and he said, “This cullen isn’t human is it?”

“Hell no! They’re vampires!”

“Vampires? What are they hunting for out here?” Bellamy was clearly puzzled because there weren’t any humans around for miles.

“Who knows? Deer, bear maybe, they’ll eat anything. Come on, we gotta catch ‘em.” He took off running again at a fast clip, Bellamy following closely behind.

Suddenly Tim stopped again and looked up, pointing at the tree canopy. “He’s taken to the trees. That’s okay because if he falls he’ll shatter into a million pieces, then we just have to dispose of them. You take that tree and I’ll take this one. Stay alert, he’s close by,” Tim warned.

Shatter? What kind of a vampire shattered? He was beginning to think that Tim had been smoking something other than tobacco in his peace pipe. “Tim, vampires don’t shatter!” Bellamy said, concerned for his friend.

“These here ones do,” Tim said, jumping straight up into the upper branches of the tree.

Bellamy shrugged, deciding to just go along with it for now. He jumped up into his tree and scented the air; there was a very different scent up here, but definitely not vamp; there was no smell of decay. He turned around and came face to face with a person with glowing red eyes and skin that…sparkled? Sparkled, really?

He couldn’t help it – he laughed out loud. And then laughed some more. The intensity of the red eyes grew more furious as Bellamy continued to laugh. “Stop laughing!” Edward said.

“Dude, you SPARKLE!! I can’t help it. You think you’re a vamp? Tim, this guy isn’t a vampire!” Bellamy said, jumping back down to the ground. Tim joined him, quickly followed by Edward.

“Okay Cullen, I’ve had enough of you poaching off the preserve. You’ve stolen your last bear from us!” Tim raised the hatchet, ready to strike.

Bellamy stepped between them and raised a hand to prevent Tim was lopping this guy’s head off. “Look um, Cullen, you’re NOT a vampire, okay? Now, go on home and play nice with someone else, okay?”

“I most certainly am a vampire,” Edward asserted. He drew himself up to appear intimidating.

“You don’t even have any fangs,” Bellamy said, displaying his own. “Now, you really think you want to get an attitude with me? Go on home!” He stepped away, laughing at the silly young man.

“We don’t bite to get our blood. We’re superior vampires, highly evolved.” Edward raised his head a notch, pride ringing in his statement. 

“Um hm.” Bellamy turned around, preparing to walk away when Edward grabbed him, tightening his grip around Bellamy’s neck to inhuman pressure. Bellamy elbowed him only to be met by something that felt like solid granite. “Ow! What the hell?” he asked, breaking away and holding his elbow.

“Told you Bellamy, they’re vamps. Stand aside!” He raised the hatchet and swung wide, carving into the side of Edwards’s neck, lopping the head off. It hit the ground with a thud and rolled several feet away. His body was still trying to fight. “Get rid of that head Bellamy,” Tim said, still fighting the body of the vamp. He was losing Bellamy saw and decided to make a grab for the head but the body was quicker than both of them, breaking away from Tim’s grasp and lunging for its head and sitting it back on top of his body.

Edward growled at them and both Bellamy and Tim returned the sound, filling the forest with the unearthly howls. The moon was straight overhead and Edward sparkled brighter than ever and Bellamy felt a chill creep up his spine. 

“Cullen, get the hell off of my land! Next time you come around you won’t make it out alive; that’s not a threat, it’s a promise,” Bellamy told the other vamp.

“Look, I’ll leave but I made a mistake okay? I didn’t mean to come onto your land. I’ll be more careful in the future.” He suddenly disappeared, leaving Bellamy and Tim staring at one another. 

The next thing the two men knew they were suddenly surrounded by glowing amber eyes. Bellamy and Tim looked around themselves and saw a half dozen wolves, razor sharp teeth bared and snapping at the two vamps. 

“Damn werewolves! Get outta here,” Tim said, throwing the hatchet at the one nearest him.

“Werewolves?” Bellamy said, fainting dead away.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Bellamy sat up with a start, knocking the book he had been reading off his lap. It thumped to the floor loudly, making him jump. He picked it up off the floor, trying to smooth out the pages that had gotten bent when the book hit the floor. It was Clarke’s book and she had dared him to read it, so of course he had. 

The dream came back to him in a rush and he shivered. Sparkly vampires? Werewolves? How ridiculous. 

The only thing more upsetting than those things was the fact that vampires don’t dream. He looked around the house, at the quiet and stillness within and stood up. It was time to hit the freezer. 

Vampires don’t dream, vampires don’t dream…

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this silly little story and it brought a smile to your face. Let me know if you like it.


End file.
